Posted by Carl D (208.4.16.167) on August 06, 1999 at 18:33:54:
Well, I have posted twice a request for letters from CHeads on SSI, and with all of the caring, ready-to-help people, I RECEIVED ONE RESPONSE! This is the first time I have asked for specific help, and only George Snelson responded (Thank you George). Didn't think I was asking too much, and if I were on disability and someone else requested a letter stating my dilemma, I would be more than happy to send an e-mail letter, since it costs nothing and requires no committment. But apparently I was asking too much.
I am back on Ultram (Tramadol). The Stadol helped to a degree (brought an 8 to a 6, or a 14 to a 12), but for the price and the amount of med you get - the Ultram is a better option. No, It doesn't take the pain away, just kinda zones you out a bit. I'll take anything I can get my hands on at this point. I am so freakin stressed out, didn't sleep again for two days and got a total of 3 hrs (fragmented) last night. I think I am losing my mind. I cant even concentrate on anything anymore. I am stranded, as my car is brokedown thirtysomething miles away, and have no transportation to do the errands I desperately need to get done. Have been without a foodcard for over three weeks, and have been penniless for ???? A friend of mine wanted me to go to Nashville with him for the weekend, As he is trying to sell songs - but I can't even do that. Cant go anywhere, cant do anything, cant sleep, cant get relief from CH's (5 since midnight last night) - I cant have a life! My friends are keeping me at arms length - nobody wants to be around the freek. Thats all I am in some peoples eyes, a freak. It just gets worse everyday. Took a little time to reflect on just how screwed up my life has become. Used to have my own place, had a good job, had a girl I loved, had alot of friends, had a car, had a killer band - had a reason to live. Now it's all gone , courtesy of this little thing called Cluster Headaches. I don't have anything to look forward to anymore, except more pain, loss and rejection. Wish I could go somewhere, do something - try to forget how bad my life truly sucks. Impossible. OK, I'm done whining, feel free to hurl insults and other fun bashings, as it seems thats what I get the most.
"Throwing a hug to kiss a fist,C'mon and knock some more sense into this" Carl D