Posted by Carl D (208.4.16.152) on September 23, 1999 at 20:24:03:
Jamy, I am not ok at the moment - I am flipping out. Three weeks ago a close friend of mine shot himself. I just got a phone call one hour ago that has taken a part of me and I cant stop crying. Another friend of mine, Jason "sukko" Milton, was found dead last night of a drug overdose. I am in shock. I cannot believe this is happening. I was not ready to hear this news. Not now. Not with everything else that is happening. If anyone believes in God and prays - pray for me. I am not feeling well and this news has torn me apart. Besides shadowing - I feel kind of numb at the moment. I hope I am actually sleeping and this is just one big awful dream, but I know it is not. Why is this happening? Why Jason? Why are my friends dropping like flies? I'm sorry - I cant handle this. I do not deal with loss very well - as I'm sure some of you have noticed. Losing a friend is like losing a part of myself. Losing two friends in such a short period of time...this is too much. I feel like the better part of me is dying. I don't know what else to say except pray for me. That God will give me the strength to make it through yet another funeral. That I can withstand the pain of these relentless HA's. That I can stay sane. Feels like I'm losing more than I ever had. Still I ask the same old question: why am I still here? ..........................Carl D