Posted by Carl D on April 29, 1999 at 21:11:12:
I was excited when I found this message board. I finally found others who are going through the same hell that I am. As I have received hate e-mail for my poems/lyrics and have read everyones bickerings and arguements, I am disheartened. There's no way for me to put into words whatI feel right now. I am going through excruciating pain daily/nightly. My family doesn't understand. My friends think I have the bubonic plague and therefore stay away. I can't sleep, as every attempt just spawns another H/A. I'm starting to lose appetite. I'm having "normal" headaches on top of the clusters. My elbow is sore from holding my head. I have a kidney infection from all of the stupid medicine. I will be homeless,living in my car after today. I found a CH specialist- I have an "emergency" appt. July 12th. DID I MENTION THE FACT THAT I'M BEING TORTURED SEVERAL TIMES A DAY?!?!! I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. I've never felt/been this low in my life. This may be the last post you get from me, as I am growing ever weary of leading a F#@&ed up life. I never thought my life would turn out like this. I wanted to go to college, get a good job, and start financing my music career ( I could've been a contender). All my life consists of now is agonizing pain, and having to explain myself to people. I'm sick of it. It's a damn shame until it interferes with someone else's life, then I'm just a pain in the A$$. I'm losing good friends over this. I've lost my future over this. I think I'm losing my mind. Thanks to Barb D, Drummer, Phil Cornwell, Bob Kipple, and everyone else who has shown love,support and encouragement. Do me a favor: stop fighting amongst yourselves and start focusing on encouraging each other. If you dont have a kind word to post, don't post it here. People are suffering and confused enough without having "understanding" people attack them.
I beat my head against the wall again
Indifferent of my indecision
I've gone thru pain beyond any measure
break my head to release the pressure...
Carl D