Posted by Pat (208.181.152.4) on January 20, 2002 at 20:07:13:
Three years! I made it three years and then 2002 brought the bitch back! To other clusterheads, she may be a demon or a devil but I call her the bitch! My life has been a terror since Jan. 13th. & the new moon. As I pace through the house or sit out on the deck at -40 C, wrapped in blankets and rocking back and forth I can only be grateful for the 3 year respite. My loving dogs (Bouviers) seem to understand & remember and they are right by my side protecting me. My husband is 2,000 miles away working 7 days a week, 14 hours a day - (so we can retire at 55) but feeling helpless because he is not here. Few of our friends can understand what I am going through.
At 2 a.m. this morning I took the head of an axe handle (blunt side) and pressed it into my right temple as hard as I could bear - anything would have been better than enduring any more unnatural pain. After 28 years of these ferocious attacks, I should be more conditioned but nothing prepares anyone for a life of terror and no warning.
4 a.m. hit and just when I thought it was under control - she hit with a vengeance far superior to anything so far this year. I wavered on calling some friends to take me to the hospital for a shot - but instead got dressed (for out doors) and went out with the dogs. We live on an acreage so we paced the property back and forth around & around, circles, squares, diamonds. Then we walked out on to our lake and plodded through several inches of snow. I collapsed exhausted on the wharf at 6 a.m. and finally made it to the house around 7. At 2 p.m. today when I when out with the Bouvs, we inspected the footprints on the lake. Yes, a MAD WOMAN (aka the Bitch) was here. There is no rhyme or reason for the direction of the tracks - just heavy pounding down onto the ice.
I am hanging in right now but dread the thought of trying to go to bed tonight.
I've tried about every medication there is on the market - but they are only quick fixes.
Why does it happen to us? What did we do to deserve this?