Posted by Charles on November 07, 2001 at 15:03:20:
...IS THIS ALL JUST A BUNCH OF BARBED WIRE WRAPPED AROUND MY SKULL THAT HAS BEEN TIED TO SOME MACHINE THAT IS FUELED BY THE PAIN THAT RADIATES OUT OF MY PORES THAT CONTINUOUSLY LEAKS THE SALTY SWEAT THAT RUNS IN THE MUSCLE STRICKEND CORNERS OF MY MOUTH. OH, CHARLES, AS LONG AS YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES TO PREVENT THE STRAIN, AND SQEEZE THE TEARS OUT ONE BY ONE, LETING YOUR OUWN SCREAMS OF MERCY HIDE THE FACT THAT YOUR BEATING YOURSELF IN A WAY THAT YOU MOST PEOPLE WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO GO ON DOING, NO, YOU WELCOME IT. ALL THIS AND YOUR THANKFULL FOR THE PAIN, IT HAS REMINDED ME TO BREATH. GOD HAS NO POWER OVER THIS. HE HAS TURNED HIS BACK ME. HE AND I USED TO TALK, BUT NOW HE HAS OTHER PLANS. MY SCARS THAT I BARE ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH REASON FOR ME TO CALL ON HIM AND DEMAND AN ANSWER. I LAY IN BED DAY AFTER DAY, ALWAYS IN PAIN, AND PEOPLE THINK SHOULD BE THANFUL FOR THE LITLLE THINGS. OHH... A FUCKING PICNIC TABLE..WOOOHOOOO! I DON'T KNOW.....SORRY. I CAN'T GRASP TO GOOD IN ALL OF THIS, I JUST CAN'T. WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP OUT HE DEVELOPMENT FOR A CURE? CAN I? BE A DOCTER...YA RIGHT. MY MOTHER ALWAYS TELSS ME.."JESUS HAD HIS DAY ON THE CROSS...". WELL, I GET NAILED TO THE FUCKER EVERY FUCKING DAY SO DONT TELL ME ABOUT SOME FUCK WHO HAD IT BAD FOR A DAY. BITCH. THE PAIN HASN'T STOPPED. JUST MORE CRAP. WHY US, WHY THIS WAY, WHY NOT JUST HAVE ENDED IT AT THE BEGINING, HUH GOD? YOU ALWAYS HAVE "YOUR WAYS", WELL WHAT ABOUT MY FUCKING WAYS, EH, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU ONE DAY, THAT I'M ALOT STRONGER THAT YOU TAKE ME FOR. THEN WE SHALL SEE. YA RIGHT, LIKE I'M GOING TO TAKE ON GOD, LOL. MAN , I TALK TO MUCH. I REALLY NEED TO STOP BASHING. IT FEELS SO MUCH BETTER TYPING IT IN THIS CPU THAN IT DOES WRITING IT IN THOSE FUCKING JOURNALS MY SIS BOUGHT ME. i GOT OVER THIRTY FUCKING SPIRAL NOTEBOOKS FILLED WITH NOTES AND FEELINS AND SHIT AND CRAP. I NEVER EVEN USED TO WRITE, i WOULDN'T EVEN DO SCHOLL PAPERS. I'D ALWAYS GET MY GIRLFREINDS TO DO THEM. SPEAKING OF GIRLS, I REALLY WOULD WISH MY GIRL NEVER LEFT ME. SHE LEFT CAUSE OF THIS SHIT.."I'M ONLY 19, I HAVE MY WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF ME.." WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, THAT MINE IF OVER. FUCKING BITCH. WE WERE TO GETHER A LITTLE OVER FOUR YEARS, OF COUORSE WE SPLIT UP A COUPLE OF TIMES BUT SHE ALWAYS CAME BACK. MAN THIS THING HURTS. I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO SCREAM OR JUST TRY TO BURN A HOLE TROUGH MY HAND WITH THE FIRE THE SEEMS TO BE COMING OUT OF MY FUCKING HEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDD. THIS SUCKS THE BIG ONE. MABEY ITS SATAN THAT IS FUCKING MY SKULL RAW. THEN WHY ISN'T THE LORD AND SAVIOR MAKING HIM WHERE A CONDOM EH? HEY I MADE A FUNNY, WELL TO ME IT WAS FUNNY, YOU CAN THINK WHAT YOU WANT. I WANT TO GO TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK AND RIDE A ROLLERCOSTER. I WANT TO GO TO A SPORTING EVENT. I WILL. JUST NOT NOW. YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO START GETTING MAD IF i KEEP DOING THIS. WRITTING A LONG BORING PIECE OF DONKEY DUNG LIKE THIS. I WISH MY HEAD WOULD JUST GO HEAD AND DO ITS THING CAUSE I;M SICK OF ALL THIS LOLLY GAGING AROUND. I KNOW IN THE BEGGINING I SORT OF BASHED THE LORD, WELL, I AM A VERY STRONG BELEIVER...ITS JUST , WELL, I GET A LITTLE FUCKING PISSED AT THE OLD CHAP. HE AND I HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT SOMEDAY SOON. SORRY FOR THE LONG DRWAN OUT CRAP'O'LETTER. I HOPE EVERY ONE IS FEELING BETTER THAT i...LOVE...-cHARLES-