Posted by Mike B (65.35.86.125) on July 21, 2001 at 21:05:52:
In Reply to: What can spouses/partners do? posted by Andy on July 21, 2001 at 20:37:12:
Wow. That's a big question. From the perspective of someone who used to have the support of another during my CH's, I think I can say a few things though.
First of all, just be there for her when you can bro. Be it in the same room or just another part of the house. I often became so emberrased by my suffering while CH'n that I would go to another room and kind of 'hide'. Even just around the corner so I could not be seen. It helped to know that someone was there for me though if I neeed it. It helped tremenduously to know that.
Holding and comforting means a lot more than you think maybe. Though, sometimes, I just had to be away from everybody and their touch. It is hard to explain. Just has to do with intense pain or something and my reaction to it.
If she is anything like I was (Still am) then she will probably feel guilty about them (Though it is obviously not her fault). It's just a part of it sometimes I think. Nobody likes to be reduced to that state and have anyone, especially their loved ones, see them that way. It can make one feel pretty bad about oneself at times. Perhaps it is a bit different for a guy but I could never stand for her to see me helpless like that. Just not the way I wanted her to think of me. Sigh.
And please try to remember that when someone is in that much pain. It is sometimes difficult to think straight or to talk straight. I know that I made a supreme ass out of myself a few times by being short or snappy or whatever while I was getting hit bad. I regret behaving badly at those times but I guess it was understood.
So, just a few quick thoughts on the matter.
Anyway, Check out the information on this site. If her meds are not working for her, perhaps you can find something that will help her to ease the pain or even get rid of the damn beast for awhile. I know I found a solution here. It's working so far to. :)
So, Andy, just take it easy and keep a look out for information that will help her. If you guys need an ear, or some advice or whatever, plenty of folks are generally around and will help you out the best they can.
Let us know how things are going. Some of the others may be able to make some helpful suggestions about meds and other things.
Welcome to the board.
You guys take care of each other and hang in there. Good luck!
Love, Michael B