Posted by tami (64.12.101.161) on June 30, 2001 at 04:28:53:
once again I seem to have hit bottom, both figuratively and literally, and once again I come to the only place I know I can consistently find help, and people who care.
First, let me say, for those of you who still might remember me, I am not feeling like I need to end it all, but my life is changing once again, and not for the better, due to these headaches. Short history to perhaps help you understand where I am at- I am chronic, about four years now, with about 4-6 headaches a day. Haven't found any preventatives that work for me, that don't also cause me heart problems. My husband of 13 years walked out on me last year, mainly because he was tired of dealing with my headaches. I have 2 boys, 18 and 15. The oldest is leaving for college this weekend, so I suppose I must have done something right there. However, obviously my children do not require as much day to day care as they used to. their needs are mainly emotional support, and monetary, not so much of my time any more. My focus has therefore become my job, which is now the problem. After a lot of agonizing,praying, and thinking, I have decided finally to take a leave of absence for the next month. But frankly, given the situation, I know any improvements will be just temporary, and I will likely be back here again in a matter of months. I have no idea how this works, I do know my company offers short and long term disability. My doctor does not seem to think I should have any difficulty qualifying for either, if need be. The short term is good for 6 months, the long will pay 2 years, after which time I would have to demonstrate that I was unable to work in any occupation. But I don't know much else about disability. Obviously, I need money to live on, so I need to make sure I don't screw this up. I also am not entirely sure what happens to my medical benefits. I have been told that for now, they should stay just the same, with any premiums coming out of my disability check, but I don't know about later on. I would appreciate hearing from anybody who can help me wade through all the red tape here.
I am also concerned with the effect of this on me pschologically. As I mentioned at first, I have a history of suicidal thoughts, and in some cases actions. This board has literally saved my life on more than one occasion. I am concerned that not having a job to focus on, I will be putting myself at risk again. Any help from people who have done this, especially if you had a job of a professional nature that you considered a career, not just a job (I am a financial advisor), suggestions of how to cope, after a job has been the focus of your life, would be appreciated. Thanks again for the help and support. You guys are terrific.
Tami