Posted by Rich on June 14, 1998 at 14:19:23:
I am EXTREMELY grateful for the existance of this spot on the net--I've never met anyone who could say they experienced CHs as I do. Just wanted to start with the show of appreciation...
Sometimes I think that I get CHs for a reason. I believe that something inside of me is changing during this period of time--a metamorphosis. I relate it to the the the caterpiller/butterfly. A less serious parallel is the incredible hulk, who TOTALLY seemed to experience a CH before he turned into that green monster. Perhaps it's physiological, spiritual, psychological--I'm not sure--but I do believe that there's something to it.
I think that improvements often require sacrifice of some sort. I believe that some of the most important experiences in life involve some form of pain. The most important lessons I've learned were a result of a crisis that lead me to the brink...
Well, as my CHs bring me to the brink, I can't help but think that that it's one of discovery and change. I cannot accept that there's absolutely no reason that I experience something like a CH. In fact, I believe that one blessing of CHs is that it's been a big factor in my increased spirituality. I've also noted other "blessings":
1). During the period of time that I experience CHs, those days that I don't have them(and don't have a cloud--or a "preventative" drug that makes me dead to the world) find me almost in a state of elation--pure enjoyment and love of life that I rarely experience otherwise.
2). I believe my sense of perspective is a little more in synch--I ceased placing great amounts of import upon what I now consider superficial things.
3). Not naturally empathetic, I'm now able to empathize with others much better than I could have without CHs. I believe I know what physical pain is in one of it's toughest forms.
4). I throw in the spirituality again just because it's been huge.
You can combine a couple of the above and you'll know why I made the effort and time to post this.
I work not to view my CHs as a curse, but as a blessing. I think there are even more changes/blessings that I'm not even aware of. I don't wish to trivialize or belittle the CH experience to those who disagree with this point of view. I CAN accept that NOTHING good comes out of CHs for some--and that it actually IS a curse.
I am "blessed" to receive CHs for only the period of a month or so every two years--which I know is a lot less frequent that many I've read about here. Perhaps that's one of the reasons I am able to look on the brighter side.
Regardless, I wanted to share my point of view. I hope I didn't offend.
Best wishes and deepest empathy to all experiencing CHs.
Rich