Posted by TerryS (24.24.79.45) on July 24, 2000 at 14:27:04:
Subject: Fwd: GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE
> > > >
> > > > > GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED
> > > > >
> > > > > 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
> > > > >
> > > > > 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her
> > > > > brush your hair.
> > > > >
> > > > > 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.
> > > > > They always catch the second person.
> > > > >
> > > > > 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
> > > > >
> > > > > 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
> > > > >
> > > > > 6) Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
> > > > >
> > > > > 7) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
> > > > >
> > > > > 8) Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a
> > tic-tac.
> > > > >
> > > > > 9) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
> > > > >
> > > > > 10) School lunches stick to the wall.
> > > > >
> > > > > 11) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
> > > > >
> > > > > 12) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
> > > > >
> > > > > 13) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
> > > > >
> > > > > 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
> > > > >
> > > > > 2) There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take
> > > > > the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here
> > > > > thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
> > > > >
> > > > > 3) One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of
> > > > > everyday, someone in an aerobics class pulls a
> > hamstring.
> > > > >
> > > > > 4) Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly
> > > > > payment is due.
> > > > >
> > > > > 5) The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant
> > > > atmosphere-and
> > > > > let the air out of their tires.
> > > > >
> > > > > 6) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
> > > > >
> > > > > 7) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held
> > > > > its ground.
> > > > >
> > > > > 8) Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
> > > > >
> > > > > 9) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber,
> > > > > not the toy.
> > > > >
> > > > > 10) My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves
> > completely.
> > > > >
> > > > > 11) If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the
> > facts.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
> > > > >
> > > > > 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
> > > > >
> > > > > 2) Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
> > > > >
> > > > > 3) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives
> > > > > I can get.
> > > > >
> > > > > 4) You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your
> > > > > shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down
> > there.
> > > > >
> > > > > 5) You're getting old when you get the same sensation
> > > > > from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller
> > coaster.
> > > > >
> > > > > 6) Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies:
> > > > > They would put them down somewhere and forget where they
> > > > > left them.
> > > > >
> > > > > 7) One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of
> > > > > candy can make a person gain five pounds.
> > > > >
> > > > > 8) Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the
> > > > > thought goes away.
> > > > >
> > > > > 9) God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of
> > > > > things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live
> > forever.
> > > > >
> > > > > 10) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but
> > > > > nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
> > > > >
> > > > > 11) I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
> > > > >
> > > > > 12) There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is
> > already
> > > > full.
> > > > >
> > > > > 13) Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy
> > beautician.
> > > > >
> > > > > 14) The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
> > > > > because by then your body and your fat are really good
> > > > friends.
> > > > >
> > > > > 15) Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes
> > alone.
> > > > >
> > > > > 16) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came
> > today.
> > > > >
> > > > > 17) Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain
> > > > consciousness.
> > > > >
> > > > > 18) Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a
> > > > > while, and it shrinks two sizes.
> > > > >
> > > > > 19) It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and
> > > > > spreads to your hips.
> > > > >
> > > > > 20) Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
> > > > >
> > > > > 21) Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get
> > out,
> > > > > but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of
> > > > > chocolate cake.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE
> > > > >
> > > > > 1) You believe in Santa Claus.
> > > > >
> > > > > 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
> > > > >
> > > > > 3) You are Santa Claus.
> > > > >
> > > > > 4) You look like Santa Claus.