Posted by TerryS (198.133.22.69) on June 22, 2000 at 00:47:41:
You can't make this stuff up. Sometimes the truth is more amusing than
> fiction:
>
> A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby in
> the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
> dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
> are several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>
> ***************************************************************
>
> At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
> slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
> instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
>
> ***************************************************************
>
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
> husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more that five
> minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
> had died of a "massive internal fart."
>
> ***************************************************************
>
> I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
> test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover
your
> right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your
> left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was
silence.
> He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
discovered
> that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with
> both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>
> ***************************************************************
>
> I was helping a patient into the bathroom when the patient exclaimed,
> "You're not coming in here with me. This is a one-seater!"
>
> ***************************************************************
>
> During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
> he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his
> medications.
>
> "Which one?", asked the doctor."
>
> "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
> now I'm running out of places to put it!"
>
> The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he
> wouldn't see....Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
> Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a
new
> one.
>
> ***************************************************************
>
> While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
> long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
> answered, "Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
>
> ***************************************************************
>
>