Posted by Brian W on October 04, 1998 at 11:59:28:
In Reply to: I'm scared--has anyone experienced this? posted by Jackie on October 03, 1998 at 16:58:37:
Hi Jackie,
Fear is the enemy isn't it? It's a vicious cycle for most of us. First the pain followed by sleep deprivation, a heavier workload due to time loss, anxiety and feelings of guilt which produce more anxiety and, i believe, more pain. I was more or less chronic for 10 years and have been experiencing strong shadows lately after a 2 year painfree period so i've also been trying to attribute the 'near pain experience' to something.
If Friday is when you experience the strong shadows then i would suggest that it is the 'let down' time from your work week. My personal motto is 'don't accelerate' and keeping a stoic, even pace has helped to keep the monster at bay. You might try some relaxation techniques in the middle of your work day to keep from getting into such an intense spirit of 'work'. Cut down on the highs and the lows..average it out better.
Having said that, i had a very busy summer and am starting to slow down from it..hence my shadows. I find it interesting to view these shadows as a ?certain percentage of a cluster. 5%, 10%, or whatever you feel from it and also wonder whether the mechanism for causing the pain is the same and we aren't feeling it? or whether the mechanism is hindered or only partially functional for some reason.
If you'd like a boost to your spirits then imagine that the last shadow you had was a full blown cluster that your body is dealing with and handling by itself. If the pain intensifies then that might mean that a person's body doesn't have the resources left to deal with the mechanism that ultimately causes the pain.
I'm convinced that anxiety perpetuates the pain. Whether it is tension that we impose upon ourselves that causes muscles to tighten putting pressure on a nerve, or hormones that stimulate the hypothalmus and cause chemical imbalances, who knows for sure? Do you think about your brother's death often? Emotions and their chemical effect inside us may have something to do with the cause of the pain. It still leads back to finding a quiet place within ourselves where there is no fear. Just as fighting the pain doesn't seem to help ease it.
This is way over my head now. I can only hope that someone, somewhere has gained something from these ramblings. We all have our individual views of the monster..that was mine.
Painfree days a'head,
Brian W