Posted by Todd (216.199.5.108) on October 16, 1999 at 11:47:07:
Annoying The Daddy
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: "Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"
Top Seven Good Things About Being a Senior Citizen...
7. The three M's: Mahjong, Metamucil, and Matlock!
6. When you're on a Carnival Cruise and Kathie Lee starts singing, you
can turn off your hearing aid.
5. Instead of tipping waiters, I just tell them they can have my car
when I die.
4. It's easy to annoy young people. Step one: get in car. Step two: turn
on blinker Step three: leave it on for 50 miles.
3. The early-bird special at Hooters.
2. Once you hit 70, you start to look darn good in polyester!
1. Social Security will be bankrupt in 50 years and guess what -- we don't care!
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
"Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She bundled him in the closet stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.
"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.
"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards."