Posted by Nancy (198.247.7.60) on October 09, 1999 at 21:08:58:
In Reply to: HEY NANCY..DO WE GET FUNNIES TODAY????NT.MG posted by Margaret G on October 09, 1999 at 10:27:45:
Some column reported that these are IDIOTS!!!
a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 8:50 AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
KENTUCKY IDIOTS
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash
machine by running a chain from the machine to the
bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the
bumper.
IDIOTS RETAIL
I was signing the receipt for my credit
card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
ADVICE FOR IDIOTS
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental,Health Safety Handbook for Employees:
"Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your
eyes."
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new
neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason ..... Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE
I was sitting in my science class when the
teacher commented that the next day would be the
shortest day of the year. My lab partner became
visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I
explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and
ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind
the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was
sorry, but they only had iceberg.
AN IDIOT'S IDIOT
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't
telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
LOUISIANA IDIOT
A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash
from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on
the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]
ARKANSAS IDIOT
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
NEW YORK IDIOT
As a female shopper exited a convenience
store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk
called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher.They put him in the car and drove back to the store.
The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied "Yes, Officer ..... that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from ,"
SEATTLE IDIOT
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline
from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The
owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
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