Posted by Linda B (208.30.90.83) on August 05, 1999 at 18:32:03:
In Reply to: Suicide Headaches (Drummer got me thinkin) posted by petem on August 05, 1999 at 16:45:48:
petme,
I very dark secret that I`ve tried to hide. Since you asked I think it should be told. My chose of taking my own life was pill`s. First time I was in my late teen`s.. I was rushed to the hospital in a daze of fog. I can remember being in a room with very bright light`s looking down on me, floating in an out of sleep.I can remember being totally at peace. No pain. They pumpred my stomach. Keep me for 4 day`s in the hospital. Said even after they pumped my stomach it was touch an go.
This became a patter. Other`s where to follow.
Tried again. This time I was 24. Drank a gallon of Kentukey Whiskey straight. (that alone should had done it) Went in to my kitchen blew the fire out`s on my stove. Turn the gas on. Dressed in a beautiful white dress. Layed down on my couch an went to sleep. It was christmas eve.Thought that time I was going to make it, but that was not to be. A friend stopped to check on me. He knew I was actting fun didnt hit him till that night. He cared me out of the building. Drove me to his house an refused to let me go home. Believe me this man was a saint. He had hell to play trying to keep me there. He had told me later he could smell the gas in my parking lot. Way befroe he hit my door.
Now one would think Ok your not meant to die. For some odd reason god has plan`s for you.
Nope not me. Well at least not yet.
I was 27 I believe. This time I drank 2 case`s of beer. Took 65 10 mg`s of diazepam(Valium). Now that`s 650 mg`s of diazepam I had taken plus the 2 cases of beer. That should of did it. Nope again I was nursed back. I had someone watching over me those 5 day`s of sleep. Not moving. Barly breathing. But still alive.
After that I never did try to take my life. I had taken a good an hard look at my life. Figured I will just have to live with the pain. See I had a son 3 year`s old. I had a good man in my life. It was my son that I focused on. To think what if...........Those what if`s can change your life. At least they did mine. I thank god daily for not taking me. I now have 2 beautiful children. A husband even though we are seperated we are very close. Best friend him an I are. My life now is one of joy an happiness. Even though I do not suffer from CH now. I know this can change in less that a blink of an eye. I also know I can LIVE with it. I am strong. I am a fighter. Took me many many year`s to get where I am right now. The only thing that could take me away is the lord himself. They way it look`s I dont think god will be calling me home soon. He still has plan`s for me. Not just my family but somethig else. Maybe it`s this. Fighting for the right of CH victim`s.
Now you all know my deepest darkest secret. Death is not the answer. Life is. Know matter how painful.
petme there`s the answer to you question.
Yes........ Me
Hug`s Linda