Posted by Todd (63.10.27.52) on August 05, 1999 at 17:48:27:
Doctors often get a bashing here, but patients aren't always perfect either. (Except for clusterheads, of course.)
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly... "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both", I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
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>During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
>informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
>"Which one?", asked the doctor. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a
>new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" The
>doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn't
>see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
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>A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby in the
>cab!" The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out to the cab, lifts the
>lady's dress, and begins to take off her underwear. Suddenly he notices
>that there are several cabs, and he's in the wrong one.
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>While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have
>you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why
>not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
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>One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
>husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more that five
>minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had
>died of a "massive internal fart".
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>A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her stethoscope on an
>elderly and slightly deaf female patient's posterior chest wall. "Big
breaths,"
>instructed the nurse. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
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>A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast
>this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't
>seem to get used to the taste", the patient replied. The nurse asked to see
>the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled KY Jelly.
KTSSU,
T