Posted by Joe Stone (205.169.199.24) on July 23, 1999 at 16:56:23:
In Reply to: Re: Upset/Angry Supporter, Help! posted by Claudette on July 22, 1999 at 23:02:25:
I'm just going on pure experience here but I feel terribly guilty when I'm near anyone when I have a cluster. I do everything I can to hide it. I feel guilty because I don't want anyone else to experience any part of this. I just can't bring myself to let anyone in close enough because of the emotional pain this disease can bring to those who really care about us. That may sound ridiculous but many of us feel that way. You want to shelter the people you love from pain. I think when others see us going through this, a terrible feeling is lurking in us. The reality of in sickness and in health is a lot more difficult than the spoken words. And this sickness goes way beyond difficult. My poor mother went through hell with me because she wanted so desperately to help but all I wanted was isolation. It's just not possible for someone else who has never experienced clusters to try walking in your shoes. I suppose has alot to do with my I'm 30 and still single. I fantisize about hurting myself or blowing myself away during these episodes as do a lot of us, but know that would only add to the pain we are trying so hard to hide. Life is joyous when these beasts subside. Best of luck to you and your family. Lord knows we didn't ask for this to happen.