Posted by Nancy (198.247.8.162) on July 17, 1999 at 01:52:40:
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath.
This made him what?
Oh man this is good.......
A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
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An 90 year old man went for his annual check up and the doctor said, "Friend, for your age your in the best
shape I've seen."
The old feller replied, "Yep. It comes from clean
living. Why I know I live a good, clean, spiritual
life." The doctor asked, "What makes you say that?" The old man replied, "If I didn't live a good, clean life
the Lord wouldn't turn the bathroom light on for me
every time I get up in the middle of the night."
The doc was concerned. "You mean when you get up in the night to go to the bathroom, the Lord Himself turns on the light for you?"
"Yep," the old man said, "Whenever I get up to go to
the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for me."
Well, the doctor didn't say anything else, but when theold man's wife came in for her check up, he felt he had to let her know what her husband said.
"I just want you to know," the doctor said. "Your
husband's in fine physical shape but I'm worried about
his mental condition He told me that every night when
he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the
light on for him."
"He what?" she cried.
"He said every night when he gets up to go to the
bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him."
"Aha!!!" she exclaimed. "So he's the one who's been
peeing in the refrigerator!"
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When a group of doctors were told to contribute to the construction of a new wing at a hospital:
the allergists voted to scratch it;
the dermatologists preferred no rash moves;
the gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it;
the microsurgeons were thinking along the same vein;
the neurologists thought the administration "had a lot of nerve";
the obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception
the ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted;
the orthopedists issued a joint resolution;
the parasitologists said, "Well, if you encyst";
the pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!";
the pediatricians said, "Grow up!";
the proctologists said, "We are in arrears";
the psychiatrists thought it was madness;
the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The radiologists could see right through it;
the internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow;
the plastic surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter";
the podiatrists thought it was a big step forward;
the osteopaths thought they were being manipulated;
the urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water;
the anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas;
the cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no;
and the otologists were deaf to the idea.
Needless to say, the idea of contributing to a new wing didn't fly
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Little Known Facts
There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic." Some have just come to light due to the success of the most recent movie.
For example, most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars
of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City.
The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today.
It is known, of course, as:
(are you ready?)
(you're sure now?)
(ok, here goes)
Sinko de Mayo.
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PMS and the bible
During church, the preacher made the statement that EVERYTHING is mentioned in the Bible.
After his sermon, a woman approached the preacher and said "I beg to differ with you, but I don't think the Bible mentions anything about PMS."
The preacher was perplexed by this statement, but also challenged.
He told the woman that he would research it and provide an answer the next week.
One week later, after the Sunday sermon, the woman asked the Preacher if he had succeeded in locating any reference to PMS in the Bible.
The preacher smiled and said "I believe so," and showed her the following Biblical passage: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way into Bethlehem....."
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Hugs and a smile, Nancy